"If You Give a Johnny Time..."
By Jonathan MacAllister
Written on July 13, 2001
"His whole moose
story was a cheap knockoff of the mouse
whole "scoop" thing is filler for probably links to other
parts of the web site, etc...*
Ack, gotta get everything down before it's gone...
Mouses... You remember that book "If You Give a Mouse a Cookie." Well, then there was
that sequel called "If You Give a Moose a Muffin."
Now why would the author choose a moose? Well, he lost you and found a Cheerio. Ha.
Get it? Mouse. Moose. Get rid of the "u" in mouse and replace it with an "o" and
you've got moose. Yep, that's a joke. Pathetic indeed...
But anyway, back to the whole muffin and cookie thing. See, the author obviously wasn't
too bright. Each book ended the way it started--the mouse ended up getting another
cookie again and as far as I can tell, that moose got another muffin in the end. This
undoubtedly leads to an infinite retelling of the story. What would compel the
reader to buy another book if he or she has yet to finish (and never will finish)
the first one?
The moral of the story: Study business, not writing.
I guess I gave the moral too early, because this whole mouse and moose thing (formerly
known as the "Muffin and Cookie" thing) is still on my mind...
Wait wait wait... I remember I had another thing to say about the whole mouse and moose
thing... hmm...hmm again...
Oh! Okay, see, it's obvious that the author totally lacked funds for his sequel (due
to the poor econominical [try saying that, it's fun... ec-o-no-mi-ni-cal...]
writing skills--and I'm not talking about the economy in terms of
syntax or diction). His whole moose story was a cheap knockoff of the
First, it's the same format (if you give the animal this, then this happens, blah
blah...), but the format's excusable. If people want more of the same (in this case,
an answer to the question "Why shouldn't we feed the animals?"), give it to them.
Second and foremost, everyone knows that a moose, with it's nearly identical spelling
(read the joke in the beginning), is EXACTLY the same thing as a mouse. Try drawing a
mouse. Now draw it bigger. Now add antlers. Get rid of the whiskers and tail. What
have you got? A clear picture of a bona fide moose (for those lazy people, just find
a picture of Mickey Mouse and tape Bullwinkle's head on it [for the even lazier, get
your brother or sister to do this.]).
But I guess you can't blame the author entirely...
The blame game
is on page two...